No Words……

 

“Mom, why did that boy do that thing to all those kids?”

I pause, with my hand on his door, and turn to look at my innocent little 5  year old tucked safe in his bed.

I kneel by his bed, with tears in my eyes, and try to find the words to explain something that I don’t understand myself.

“I don’t know buddy.”

“Did it hurt?”

“No baby, God was with those kids that day and he put a giant blanket around them and they didn’t feel anything at all.”

He seems satisfied with that answer and rolls over, hugging his Curious George closer to him.

Why am I having to answer questions about this? Why am I living in a country where little kids now have to fear going to school? Why do I have to explain to MY 5 year old, that kids his own age were innocent victims in a horrendous crime? It makes my heart break in a million little pieces.

Pax said he overheard Josh and I talking about it, I thought I was doing a good job sheltering him from all of this. I guess not, and really, there is no easy way to discuss something like this with a small child. They don’t teach this in parenting classes.

“Ok class, so that’s how you change a diaper, next class we will discuss how to talk to your child after a mass shooting at an elementary school.”

I never thought I would have to have a conversation about this………with my 5 year old…….who is now a little less innocent since this happened.

I hope things change, something has to. Or else I fear the world my children will have to grow up in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream Big………..

So this week I did something big….no HUGE. I have been pondering this for a while now, playing around with the idea, hearing my best friend tell me that it’s something I should do……. but I just kept hesitating. Dragging my feet, if you will. I made a website for it, about a month ago, and have been lingering with the mouse over that publish button for about a week. Each time I was about to click on it, I would chicken out and close the laptop and step away.

But I finally grew a pair, opened that website, purchased the domain name and went public with my photography business. (Insert panicked scream here)

I love photography, love love love it. I LOVE taking pictures. I LOVE editing and seeing something that was “eh” straight out of the camera turn into something pretty cool. I love capturing a moment in time and freezing it with a simple “click” of the camera and all of a sudden it becomes a memory for someone to treasure.

I don’t love the idea of putting myself out there for criticism because, let’s be honest, it’s going to happen. I don’t love the idea of potentially losing this passion for photography because, let’s be honest, it might happen. I don’t love the idea of putting one more thing on an already full plate because, let’s be honest, that’s already happening.

But maybe this just means I need to get a thicker skin, always try to remember why I started doing this in the first place (see paragraph 3), and maybe clear my plate a bit to make room for something that truly matters to me and is good for my soul.

You see, I can’t live thinking “what if?” It’s about taking a chance, it’s about trying to believe in myself since there are others who already do…….and I thank you (you know who you are). I can’t even tell you how much that means to me and how flattered I am for your confidence in me when I have a hard time being confident in myself. It’s about acknowledging your little shove in my back that urged me to take this giant leap and do something that I never would have had the nerve to do alone.

And to everyone who might not think I am the greatest at photography, I tell you this: I’m not trying to pretend to be. I am sure I have a lot of growing and learning to do, and I plan on doing it. But I am also taking a huge risk and following my dream……and really how can you hate on that?

(Editors note: I have not heard any negativity towards this decision, I am just being proactive and addressing it now because it’s bound to happen, as it does with all businesses.)

And to those who support me and have given me kind words? Thank you. Simply……...thank you. There are no other words that can truly convey the depth of gratitude I have for your encouragement and positive feedback.

So here I stand, at the beginning of who knows what, a little scared, a bit overwhelmed, and a lot excited about what could come of this………A life without risk really isn’t much of a life at all. So here I go………

http://www.amyhallphotographyks.net/

And no post would be complete without a couple photos of my favorite subjects!

 

And Then There Was One More…..

Just when I thought my family couldn’t get any better………we meet Miss Collins Cate and I realize……...it can.

I am so glad I was able to be there to watch my niece be born, ask anyone; I FREAKED out when I thought we weren’t getting to the hospital fast enough when Sarah got induced (someone had to look like a model before we could go to the hospital…..ahem, AMBER) and then I FREAKED out when we were out shopping in the mall (and letting Sarah rest), when her husband texted me to tell me she had went from a 2 to a 5 in a couple hours. I was yelling at Amber to drive faster back to the hospital, because I was just SURE Sarah would dilate from a 5 to a 10 in a half hour and we would miss the whole thing……..of course I was wrong…..but not by much!

We got back to the hospital and hung out for about an hour or so, the nurse came to check her again and said she was a 9 1/2!! See? Laugh it up family, laugh it up!! If we had kept shopping we MIGHT have missed it all. Ok totally being dramatic, but seriously? None of us expected it to go that fast.

(the nurse telling us she was dilated to a 9 1/2)

My little sister is a rockstar, she looked at childbirth and said:

“what up hooker? I am going to dominate you, and not even break a freaking sweat!”

So it looks like her plan to have a half dozen kids might actually come true…………..sorry Derek.

(Amber coming back into the room and finding out Sarah is almost fully dilated)

Sarah getting a little emotional when she realized how close she was to meeting her little girl…..

but then she was all smiles! I mean SERIOUSLY? Who looks this cute in active labor right before they push a baby out? I would hate her if I didn’t love her so much.

So we all hung out for a bit, the nurse told us it could be another hour or so before she started pushing…..15 minutes later her doctor (cutest thing in the world, by the way) came in and was all like: “let’s do this!”

And then it was a flurry of activity in the room as nurses came in, lights came on, mirrors came down from the ceiling (sounds like a kinky movie eh?…. Yeah I just went there).

I wish I could have caught Derek’s face on camera in that moment (I was just trying to stay out of the way) he looked so panicked and confused and he even said:

“wait, so is this happening?…..Like NOW?”

And it was. Happening. NOW.

And then, in true rockstar form, my sister pushed through about 5 contractions and then we met Collins Cate Lorson.

 

 

 

 

 

Favorite picture EVER! Look at that tear on her face as they place her baby on her chest. Heart.Stop.I.Melt.

Words cannot describe those moments. When my baby sister finally got her chance to be a Mommy. After years of practicing with our babies, and the struggle her and Derek went through to have their own, and then that moment it happened…..she was a Mom………and all was right in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

And she was perfect, and beautiful and everything we had imagined she would be. Just when you thought it wasn’t possible to feel any more love for the family you have, this happens, and you realize there is no limit to love. It just grows as your family grows.

 

 

 

 

I am so lucky to have such an awesome family. And not just my siblings (who are my best friends in the whole world!) but everyone else that makes our family complete. Significant others, in-laws, and now a new baby. Love doesn’t get divided, it just multiplies. And how blessed am I that my math equation of a family just got one more new addition?

 

 

 

Pretty damn lucky.

 

To view the entire slideshow I made from her birth, click on the link below, turn the music up and grab some tissues if you’re the emotional type.

http://www.kizoa.com/slideshow/d3595207kP160731622o2/collins-birth