Here I Go Again On My Own………A.K.A. the post where I am brutally honest.

I joined Weight Watchers again yesterday. It’s time my friends….it.is.time. I have been totally slacking in the “watch what I eat” or  “no you DON’T need to eat a 5th cupcake” department.

June was a crap-shoot, being my birthday month and all. It’s a blur of eating out, bbq’s, and drinks (that usually led to MORE eating).  And Vegas? Shooooot, that’s like fat kid HEAVEN right thur folks.

And now, I feel it (and obviously SEE it)…..and I hate it. I hate myself for becoming like this (get a HOLD of yourself WOMAN!!) Every week I say:

“this is it, this is the week,” and then it’s not.

So yesterday, I decided enough was enough. Shiz is going to change around here!! So I got online and signed up for WW online before I lost my nerve.

I did WW in the past and LOVED it, I wasn’t even running like I am now and didn’t work out consistently but I still lost weight. So I am excited to see the results now that I am training again for a half (say wha-at!?!?) and doing bootcamp (which is still brutal, don’t believe me? Ask my ass today.)

I see those all those diet options that are out there right now and I am even guilty of trying one out. I won’t say what it is, I am not here to talk crap on a company or people who choose to use those products. All I am saying is that it wasn’t for me. Yes it worked temporarily, but I thought to myself

“is this something I foresee doing for the rest of my life?”

And the truth was, I didn’t. For me it has to be about eating better, making better choices, holding myself accountable. Not about taking a pill, or drinking this shake or taking 5 pills, drinking 3 shakes, using this cream, sprinkling this powder on food……….aaaaaahhhhh it makes me want to scream. Who can remember all that? And the cost? Ridic. Again, if this is what you choose and it works for you, then great, I am truly happy for you. It’s just not what is going to work for me, in the long run.

So I signed up, went to the grocery store, cleaned out my fridge and pantry………let me tell you how heartbreaking it was to throw out 2 perfectly good pies (butterfinger and key lime) that I had made this weekend for a bbq…… I may have shed a tear. However, I knew that if it was in there, it would end up in my face eventually.

And now here I am, blog vomiting this all out there because that is another way I can hold myself accountable. It is now officially on the interwebs, and just like my first half marathon, once it’s on here, I have to do it…………..or risk looking like a complete arse.

I also weighed myself yesterday and then texted my friend B to tell her about it:

Me: “I weighed myself this morning……then tried jumping out the window.”

B: “What made you weigh yourself?”

Me: “The conversation we had last night, you asked me what my goal weight was and I admitted I didn’t even know my current weight.”

B: “So you’re saying in the note you would have left before jumping out the window, you would have blamed me?”

Me: “Yes, the note would go like this:

B made me do it.

Love Amy.

PS-I want to be buried in my overalls or I will haunt your asses!!!

PPS- burn that f-ing scale, she is a b$#&-whore liar”

B: “Yeah I wouldn’t let anyone see that note, not because you would blame me, but because of those ugly ass overalls.”

Me: “ Fine, then consider yourself HAUNTED! I will wait until you are in the shower and scare you so bad that you run out naked. I will go all Freddy Kruger on your ass.”

B: “Ummmm, how would you get in? I think I am safe.”

Me: “I am a ghost!! I GO THROUGH WALLS AND SHIT!!”

Ok so there is an example of why I hate weighing myself, and also the incredibly odd texting conversations B and I have together. And please forgive me for the cussing, sometimes I just think it is the most effective way to get my point across, plus it’s not like I am saying it in front of the children, I am texting it……and they can’t read!

So thus begins my journey. The first week is the hardest, all you think about is food, food, food. And cheese, I would cover my van in queso and eat the crap out of it right now. It’s like going through food detox, you get the shakes, vomit, hallucinate……….ok not really, but you get my point. Getting out of your old habits and into new ones is hard. And no I am not quitting cold turkey, I am going to allow myself a few bad things here and there.

I will be blogging about it, the good and the bad, because I know that’s how I will hold myself accountable.

Also, training starts on Saturday, 6 miles. I am excited. This is the same group that I trained with last summer when I did my first half. It’s a fun group, and a great training program so I am excited to see if I can improve my time. I am running in the faster pace group, I want to push myself, but it makes me nervous.

Wish me luck on WW, running, and not jumping out of any windows. But if I do……….the overalls are hanging in my closet.