ONE WHOLE HAND….and a birth story

It was exactly 5 years ago to THE MINUTE that I started having contractions. I tried SO HARD to have a Halloween baby, but wouldn’t ya know, that little man had a mind of his own and would not come on my terms.

So midnight on the dot, on November 1st, my labor started. I stared at my belly like:

“you gotta be kidding me kid!”

I bounced on a exercise ball, timed the contractions, watched the live broadcast of Ghost Hunters, texted my friend Leslie, and realized that today was the day that I would meet my son.

Josh slept through it all………….duh.

I woke him up at 4 a.m. because the contractions were 5 minutes apart and told him we might want to call the hospital. He said:

“Do I have time to shower?”

Say wha-at?!?!?!?

He showered….(no joke)…..and then we drove to the hospital.

I remember that it was really cold out, the windows were frosted over, and the road was EMPTY.

We got to the hospital, got hooked up to all the machines, got checked, and was confirmed that I was indeed in labor.

WOO HOO!!

We waited until later in the morning to call our families, but once we did, the hospital was packed with family and friends.

At 11 they broke my water.

Around noon I decided to get an epidural, they got all the family out of the room except for Josh.

At that time, Paxton’s heart rate started dropping drastically. I had just received my epidural, and none of the family had been allowed back into my room. They gave me oxygen, had me turn on my side….anything to try to get his heart rate to stop dropping. They decided to check me to see if I had progressed faster than usual and maybe was ready to push.

The Doctor on call came in to check me, and started yelling “cord, we have a cord” and then chaos ensued. Apparently I had a prolapsed cord and every time I had a contraction, the chord was pushing out and cutting off all oxygen to Paxton. Nurses started running in, people were yelling, they tossed scrubs to Josh and told us:

“We have to do a c-section immediately, we don’t have a lot of time, he has to get out NOW!”

I had to get on my hands and knees in the bed, as they wheeled me to the O.R. with the Doctor holding the cord off of Paxton’s head.

I remember looking at Josh and seeing the panicked look on his face, and then looking at the nurses and doctor and seeing THEIR panic and thinking:

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen, this wasn’t in my plan!!”

One of the nurses must have seen the fear in my eyes, everyone else was so focused on the baby and what they needed to do, and she said:

“we’re going to take care of you, you’re both going to be ok”

We got into the O.R. and they got me prepped for the c-section. Paxton’s heart rate was dangerously low and wouldn’t come back up, so they made Josh leave the room and put me completely under to get him out as fast as they could.

I was wheeled into the O.R. at 1:07 p.m. and Paxton was born at 1:15 p.m……they were NOT messing around.

Our family still thought I was just getting an epidural!! They had no idea what was happening!!

Josh walked out into the waiting room with scrubs on and said:

“It’s a boy!”

They were so stunned and confused. He had to explain what had happened, and then of course they were all crying because they had no idea how bad it had gotten and how close we had come to losing Pax.

I missed all those first moments of his life……I didn’t hear his first cry, I wasn’t the first one to hold him, NOTHING happened the way I thought it would.

I woke up in the recovery room, with a clouded mind and lots of pain, and was told:

“congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy.”

And then I remembered…..

“oh yeah. I had a baby.”

We are so lucky that nothing bad happened from that dangerous delivery. YES I wish it would have been a normal birth, YES I hate that Josh missed the birth of his first child because they wouldn’t allow him in the room,  YES it hurts me that I never heard his first cry. However, none of that matters when I realized how close we came to losing him, how lucky we were that he didn’t have brain damage from the lack of oxygen, how lucky we were that NOTHING was wrong with either of us, because there for a while, it didn’t look good.

And now…..

He is 5, and he is an amazing little boy that makes me smile on a daily basis…….

He protects his little sister, he thinks he is a super hero, he wants to play K-State football, he would do anything to impress his Dad and make his Mommy proud, he would stand up for another child even if that meant looking dumb in front of his friends, he has a gentle soul and is sensitive but tough all at the same time.

I am so proud of him, I can’t believe it has been 5 years. It is going way too fast for me, but I look forward to the many years ahead and how much that little boy still has to teach me about being a better person and a better mother, because he deserves that.

I love you Paxton.