Mom Guilt

Who hasn’t had it? I have it on a daily basis. Do I spend enough time with them? Am I too hard on them? Do they know how much I love them? Am I doing enough? Am I teaching them everything they need to know to survive in this world? The answer is no, probably, hope so, who knows, and yes. It is all of those answers and it changes all the time.

I know that there are days that I don’t earn my Mommy badge. There are days that I totally rocked it as a Mom. There are days that I just did my damn best and tried to survive until bedtime.

I read this article the other day and afterward I was thinking “Amen Sister!!”

I was so glad that I am not the only one who doesn’t LOVE every moment of Motherhood. I hear Moms who say that they “absolutely love every minute of being with their children” and I think “what the hell is she taking and can I have some of it?”

But seriously. I love my kids, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t love every minute of being with them. Sometimes it just downright SUCKS!!

When the kids are fighting for the bajillionth time over the dumbest toy that neither of them cared about 2 seconds ago. When Harper is throwing her food on the floor, Paxton is doing cartwheels off the couch and I have 10 piles of laundry that need washed, dried or folded. When bath time feels like WWIII, or bedtime is still 3 hours away and both kids are in full meltdown mode. Those are the times that I think “nope, not enjoying this right now, can someone please come tag me out?”

Unfortunately, parenting is not like a game of basketball. You don’t get a sub, you can’t call a time-out and nobody wins or loses. It’s survival of the fittest.

And then there are times that Harper will come up to me out of the blue and give me a kiss and say “love you much” or Paxton says “you look beautiful Mommy” (that’s his new thing, I am diggin’ it, big time), those are the times that you know you are doing something right. 

My favorite quote in the article was:

“Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.”

Word.

So I am making an effort to be less hard on myself and just try to enjoy the fleeting moments of pure joy that happen every day. Playing soccer with Pax in the backyard, tripping over him and falling to the ground laughing; Harper coming over to sit in my lap and snuggle when I am in the middle of folding laundry; an impromptu dance party in the living room with both of the kids. Those are the moments that you think “ah…. this is why I do it, this is what all the hard work is for, this is what makes being a Mother one of the best jobs in the world, this is my carpe diem.”

And I will seize those few minutes, I will tuck them away in my memory, and save them for a bad day. And we all know the bad days outnumber the good, but the good days are SO good!!

So if you can carpe 15 minutes a day, then I say you are doing a pretty damn good job and I tip my Mommy hat to you!!

Random Ramblings………..

Seriously, believe me when I say RAN-DOM, because I haven’t really blogged forever so I have a bajillion things going around in my head. Please forgive me. (PS- all pictures are from my phone because my big camera has been in my car for a week with an un-charged battery- winning!!)

Let’s begin with kid updates, shall we?

Paxton:

He is back to school now….vacation OVER. I think this is harder on me because I am the one that has to get him (and Josh) up in the mornings and it sucks.

He started basketball. After his first practice we were driving home and I said:

“you did good buddy, you just need to practice on…”

then he interrupted me, sighed and said:

“I know, I know, my dribbling.”

So apparently the coach told him the same thing, ha! Shooting he has down, dribbling, not so much. It’s pretty much just running with the ball. That’s called traveling son, and it’s not legal.

We were driving home (do you see a trend here? all of our deep convos happen in Swagger Wagon) after a preschool board meeting the other night and I told Pax that I got to hold a baby the whole time. Thus ensued a discussion of babies, and what tummy every family member came out of, and what tummy Harper and him came out of and then………..wait for it………….THE dreaded question………..

“Mom, how do the babies get in there!!!”

Screeeeeeeeeeech!! Slam on the brakes!!!!!! Wha-at!! I thought I had at least 3-5 more years before I had to tackle this question. So I did what any other Mother would do………….laughed nervously, turned up the radio, and pretended I didn’t hear him. Duh.

He informed Josh yesterday that he needed a new basketball goal and a cell phone. Josh told him he already had a Tranformers cell phone, and he said “yeah but that only calls Optimus Prime.” Well played Little Man, well played. You still aren’t getting a cell phone though.

He wanted to go downstairs to help Daddy and Papa Long in the basement and this is the getty-up he dressed himself in to go down there. Keep in mind it was 50 degrees that day AND the basement is temperature controlled, so yes this was a bit excessive.

Papa Long has come up twice now to help us with the basement (ok when I say us I mean Josh). He helped us (Josh)  out soooo much with the trimming and all the doors. The kids also loved having him around and constantly fought for his attention!

K-State @ the Cotton Bowl- his face says it all. I feel ya Buddy, I feel ya. (Shut it B, you have gloated enough. Wanh, wanh, wanh). My BFF is a Razorback fan (in my defense I did not know this until she had already trapped me with her mind powers) so this loss was especially hard for me!!!

Harper:

She started a dance class for 2 year olds, and the cuteness of it about slays me. Unfortunately, the class is on Fridays during my staff meeting so my friend takes her for me (parent participation required since they are so little). I did sneak up to the studio during my meeting to take a peek (it’s literally upstairs from where my meeting is) and she was doing so good! My friend said that she listened very well to the teacher (I’m sorry, you are talking about Harper right) and did everything she asked her to (are you sure!?) and loved every minute (ok that’s not shocking, girlfriend loves to dance). 2 year old dance class today…..Dance Moms tomorrow (tell me you watch that show, it’s great!!)

 

I love technology, and technology keeps my kids super quiet so I can watch a bowl game. Thank you.

Still potty trained. Doing great, no problems at all. Except…….

Josh calls me at work yesterday to inform me that she tried to pee in her dollhouse!!

The dollhouse has a little toilet in it that flushes when you close the lid. Soooooo she decided that that toilet would be sufficient for her non-doll size bum!!! Not so much. The result: a tiny amount of pee on the dollhouse, a large amount of pee all over Harper and the carpet. So happy that happened on Dad’s day home with them!!!

She punched me square in the jaw the other night cause I was in her face telling her she was cute. Like, lit-er-ally pulled her arm back and punched me!!! She goes straight for the face these days when she is mad. She was throwing a fit the other day and Josh picked her up to put her in time-out and I said “watch out for your…………”

SMACK!

“face.”

Too late, she went for it, and she got him good. So now when she is throwing a fit and going to time-out we have to pick her up and face her AWAY from us.

I texted this picture to my sister the other day, and I joked that I was practicing her side swoop and bump early. Ha! I was only half kidding. However. these days she is rockin:

A ponytail, woot woot!!!! Fist pump, fist pump, fist pump.

Where do I start with this picture? Ok….1. These are the superhero capes and masks that “Santa” brought. They love them and they DO look pretty stinkin’ cute in them. 2. Harper’s hair, it’s post nap, that’s how we roll sometimes….. go with it. 3. Harper’s outfit…….this is where it gets interesting. She took off her pants and underwear, and pulled out 2 SHIRTS from her dresser and put those on like skirts (still sans underwear). Next Project Runway designer? That’s for you to decide…….I won’t hold my breath.

Love my kids, but man there is never a dull moment with them!!

So………….. I had full intentions of blogging about our basement renovation and have not done it at all (I am sure you are all SUPER sad about this). I didn’t even take before pictures and NOW I am really kicking myself in the a#$ because it has come so far. It doesn’t even look like the same house!

Before: Storage room- a.k.a. throw anything you may or may not ever use again down there and then run away fast!!!! It was dark, it was smelly, it was dirty and YES it was scary. That is where our washer and dryer was/is and I would always do laundry while looking over my shoulder every 2.2 seconds. I was afraid a spider, a ghost or sasquatch was going to jump out of the shadowy corners and get me.

Now: It’s glorious. Even without carpet, it is a 150% improvement. I heart it in a big way. It’s bright (thank you canned lighting, you might have cost me an entire kidney, but damn you light up my basement like the 4th of July), it’s not smelly, it IS still dirty (stupid sheetrock dust, will you EVER go away!!) and BONUS it has a fully functional bathroom!!!! We are this close to being done, all that is left is a little trim and carpet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the little doorway that will go into the kids “clubhouse” it will eventually (read, hopefully) look a little somethin’ like this:

Or this:

 

Yes!!! This makes ME want to go in there and hang out (and I probably will, don’t judge me).

And here is 2 more random phone pics! This is before Willie’s Christmas party:

Ok, I will stop now. If you are still reading this then: CONGRATULATIONS, you have no life either. I am kidding!!!! But seriously, why are you still reading this? I put myself to sleep 10 minutes ago.

Peace suckas!