Neither Here Nor There…..

This post will probably be a rambling hot mess because……..well because it’s me and what else do you expect?

Our life in a nutshell?

Pax is 5 going on 30………

He came home the other day with a KU Jayhawk that he had colored at school, he showed it to me and  I JOKINGLY said to him:

“Ew, what is that doing in my house!”

I looked up at him and he just starts crying!! After I reassured him (through clenched teeth) that it was ok, that the Jayhawk was (ahem) “wonderful” and (cough, cough) “so lovely” he explained to me why he was so upset:

“Mom! It’s ok to like them both, as long as they aren’t playing each other, then it’s ok to root for both of them.”

Yup, thanks son. I guess Mom needed a lesson in being humble. Sheesh! He made me feel like the child! Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Me teaching him about liking everybody and accepting them despite their differences? I guess I get a little crazy when it comes to K-State.

And THEN, yesterday, he told me:

“Mom it’s good to make friends and include everyone. You might not really like them, but you have to be nice to them and not hurt their feelings.”

Is this kid in my HEAD? What the hell? I was having a rough day anyway, dealing with some not fun stuff with a project that I volunteer MANY hours for, and thinking some not nice things in my head about other people (or maybe just one person), and he brought me back down to earth and reminded me that I’m not going to like everyone, and it’s better to just be the bigger person and let them be who they are (a few choice words enter my head, but they shall remain unspoken). That kid……he is wise beyond years, and I am grateful that he reminds me to be a better person, even if it’s hard to hear it from your 5 year old.

 

 And then we have Harper:

Oh Harper (sigh)………While my one child is going all Dr.Phil on me, the other one is going all Lil’ Wayne on me dropping the “B” word like it’s her job!

Oh yes, my daughter said “son of a b*&%” after a hard level of Dora the Explorer on her Innotab:

Luckily, she only said it once more that same day (after dropping spaghetti on the floor), and I haven’t heard it since…….

Maybe because I told her she would get arrested if she said bad words again. What!?!! Don’t judge me, I will tell a little white lie if it means my daughter won’t yell out “son of a b*%$” during a biblical lesson in preschool!!!

We attempted family pictures this week, but she was in a “mood” so it didn’t go so well. She didn’t like the cows being so close to us (we were at a farm in case you were like “uh…..what?”) she didn’t like the wind, she was cold, she didn’t like the tall grass…….basically she just hated life that day.

I am hoping that we got at least one decent shot for the Christmas card.  Our photographer is a super sweet and talented girl, so I feel pretty confident she got one shot of the little devil looking like an angel.

And then, when you find yourself wondering how you will EVER survive the teen years with this beast, when she acts like this at 2 (almost 3) years of age…….. she looks at you with those big hazel eyes and says:

“I miss you Mom.”

“Uh, I didn’t go anywhere Harper, I am literally right here in front of you and I have been all day.”

“Yeah but last night you went to a movie and I missed you.”

Aaaaawwwww.

But don’t worry, I am still researching boarding schools, I have a feeling one of us WON’T survive the teen years…………and I’ll put money on it that that person is me.

 

Yeah, it is hard to get mad at that face, that’s probably why she is the way she is. She KNOWS she is cute, and that smile lets her get away with a lot.

I am in physical therapy twice a week now for my knees and it pretty much goes like this:

“you have horrible hips, like seriously you have the hips of a 90 year old.”

“how have you been running this long with hips and glutes like this? your poor knees and feet do all the work because your hips are so weak.”

“you’re not running until we can strengthen those hips and glutes because…..have we said this yet?……….they are so weak, like seriously, bad.”

And then I get electrocuted…..the end.

So, from what I can understand from the medical jargon that is thrown around between the PT’s, my hips and glutes are weak and horrible!! The femoral torsion (pigeon toes) that I have had since I was born, is causing my hips and knees to turn in, and my feet to kick out when I run and not letting my body parts work in the correct way to run effectively (and without injury, hence the knees).

Here is a link to what my condition is, a good range of motion for hips is 40 degrees, abnormal is 70…..mine was 70!!! HORRIBLE!

So I am basically having to re-train my muscles to work together correctly, and it is a pretty slow and tedious task. This is how I have walked my whole life and how I have ran the past 3 years. I also get steroids put into my knees through patches attached to a voltage pack and delivered through electric shock!!! Yeah, doesn’t that sound like a walk in the park?

The first time I got them, my PT said:

“sometimes people feel nothing, some say it feels like tiny needles and other say it feels like fire”

I was like “pshaw, I have had 2 c-sections and had no problems with those, bring it on, I am a beast!!”

So she turns the voltage pack on and I immediately feel the “tiny needle” feeling in both knees, I looked at her and said:

“well I’m not option 1, I can feel tiny needles”

She looks at me and says that the voltage is only set to 1.0 and we have to get up to 4.0 to get all the medicine delivered effectively and the higher the number the more pain I will feel.

Yup I wanted to rip those damn patches off and march right out of the office. Screw running, I hear water aerobics with 70 year women is just as good! Save me a floatie ladies, I’m joining your class!! As long as I don’t have to get electrocuted!!

But I gritted my teeth, blinked back some tears, swallowed some vomit (not kidding, it made me nauseous), and worked through the BURNING F-ING FIRE IN MY KNEES!!!”

I have now had to do that 3 times, and it is getting easier each time. Now I’m like:

“grrrrrr, put those patches on and turn that switch up to 4.0 …….BEAST MODE!!!” (the faster you increase the voltage, the faster you are done with the treatment. The first time it took me 40 minutes to do it, now I can do it in 15 minutes, wha-what!!!!).

In all honesty though, I miss running so much. I miss my running friends, I miss early morning runs and getting home and enjoying my coffee as the sun is coming up. I have been completely un-motivated and totally lazy because I HATE the eliptical and being stuck inside the gym. I am going to start walking outside next week, it’s going to be hard, not on my knees, but on my head. To WALK when I am used to running. But I have to do something, and I miss being outside so I just have to suck it up and go.

In other news, my sister is having her baby on Wednesday!!! I am so, so, so excited! I am going up either late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning so I can be there for every minute, (hope you weren’t wanting a private delivery Sarah and Derek, cause the paparazzi is coming!!!) I am so ready to meet Miss Collins Cate (CC Bug!!) and hold that little bundle of joy. We are going to have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. My brother got married last month, we have a new baby coming, and we will all be together in Kansas City. I love being with family, they remind me to forget about all the outside crap going on in life, all the stupid people who try to bring you down even though you know you are better than that (and them), and to focus on what is important in life………your family, your friends, and of course your children……….even when they humble you……….or cuss at you.

Ah….. such is life.